Friday, December 13, 2002

a sad day.

My dad told andrew that he had to quit piano... andrew's taking it really hard... and i can feel my dad in pain too, but andrew doesn't seem to be able to feel that... hum.

i'm not sure if my brother knows... how much it aches, physically and emotionally, to be working 2 jobs and still not be able to provide everything that your family wants. andrew doesn't seem to realize it, but he's making my dad feel very very guilty... but, really.... my dad's 64 and he's having a new child; andrew needs to understand that, even amidst all our luxury, we can't afford piano lessons. We're so used to living well that our current situation almost seems like our marginal propensity to consume (we've tried cutting back on some expenses, but to no avail), and my dad, along with everyone else, really doesn't want to give anything up. i understand that andrew's willing to give up nearly everything to continue piano, but i can't say the same for the rest of the family, including my dad. my dad does not want to be eating top ramen when he should be eating more healthily; ironically, andrew's the one that consumes the most. really, though, i don't think neither andrew nor i should ask any more than food and shelter, considering all the sacrifices my dad's already made for us.

my dad's starting to feel old...and inadequate...and....andrew needs to stop making him feel guilty... but... piano is akin to andrew's life... but...

even harder to know that my piano teacher is one of the very few people andrew feels close to and connects with

i had to make the call because andrew couldn't... he just plain could not tell her

money is an ugly, ugly thing.

somewhere, deep down... i know that my dad feels guilty and will probably give andrew the chance not to quit... and i know that my brother will probably take that chance... and that makes me feel very very low. very low.

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