Tuesday, December 24, 2002
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
Eh, lately i've been hearing things like "everything happens for a reason" and "well, it's fate" from many different sources. I've been hearing comments like those so often that I've started to believe them and, thusly, begin questioning the silly events surrounding my life.
bad april. bad bad bad.
should i believe my friend when he says he's experienced a miracle, listening as he explains how he got the same amount of money in the mail that he needs for a project? or should i believe someone when he says that me not doing well on my calc. final is a working of fate(you know who you are! =P )? no, i shouldn't... If i get a B in calc it's because i'm stupid and/or lazy, not because the force behind physics deemed it so. =/
okay, maybe if someone pulls you out of a burning building or if, in attempting to shoot yourself on a rooftop, you, completely nervous, end up only grazing yourself with the bullet and falling backwards onto the roof (intsead of forward, off the roof), that's fate. Or maybe fate doesn't work for me, being an unspectacular person. I'd think fate only applies to either spectacular people or spectacular circumstances, not something silly like myself. If everything does happen for a reason, perhaps some of those reasons are trivial; not everything is directly/indirectly caused by something as ethereal as fate.
Soooo, perhaps, if my friend is a spectacular person, his money-in-the-mail thing might be a working of fate. buut.... that doesn't apply to me.
hey maybe not everything happens for a reason! wow! could it possibly be that some things are RANDOM? could it be that, at least sometimes, it just isn't fate?
by the way, that failed attempt at suicide happened to beethoven's nephew, if i remember correctly. correct me if i'm wrong.
bad april. bad bad bad.
should i believe my friend when he says he's experienced a miracle, listening as he explains how he got the same amount of money in the mail that he needs for a project? or should i believe someone when he says that me not doing well on my calc. final is a working of fate(you know who you are! =P )? no, i shouldn't... If i get a B in calc it's because i'm stupid and/or lazy, not because the force behind physics deemed it so. =/
okay, maybe if someone pulls you out of a burning building or if, in attempting to shoot yourself on a rooftop, you, completely nervous, end up only grazing yourself with the bullet and falling backwards onto the roof (intsead of forward, off the roof), that's fate. Or maybe fate doesn't work for me, being an unspectacular person. I'd think fate only applies to either spectacular people or spectacular circumstances, not something silly like myself. If everything does happen for a reason, perhaps some of those reasons are trivial; not everything is directly/indirectly caused by something as ethereal as fate.
Soooo, perhaps, if my friend is a spectacular person, his money-in-the-mail thing might be a working of fate. buut.... that doesn't apply to me.
hey maybe not everything happens for a reason! wow! could it possibly be that some things are RANDOM? could it be that, at least sometimes, it just isn't fate?
by the way, that failed attempt at suicide happened to beethoven's nephew, if i remember correctly. correct me if i'm wrong.
Friday, December 13, 2002
a sad day.
My dad told andrew that he had to quit piano... andrew's taking it really hard... and i can feel my dad in pain too, but andrew doesn't seem to be able to feel that... hum.
i'm not sure if my brother knows... how much it aches, physically and emotionally, to be working 2 jobs and still not be able to provide everything that your family wants. andrew doesn't seem to realize it, but he's making my dad feel very very guilty... but, really.... my dad's 64 and he's having a new child; andrew needs to understand that, even amidst all our luxury, we can't afford piano lessons. We're so used to living well that our current situation almost seems like our marginal propensity to consume (we've tried cutting back on some expenses, but to no avail), and my dad, along with everyone else, really doesn't want to give anything up. i understand that andrew's willing to give up nearly everything to continue piano, but i can't say the same for the rest of the family, including my dad. my dad does not want to be eating top ramen when he should be eating more healthily; ironically, andrew's the one that consumes the most. really, though, i don't think neither andrew nor i should ask any more than food and shelter, considering all the sacrifices my dad's already made for us.
my dad's starting to feel old...and inadequate...and....andrew needs to stop making him feel guilty... but... piano is akin to andrew's life... but...
even harder to know that my piano teacher is one of the very few people andrew feels close to and connects with
i had to make the call because andrew couldn't... he just plain could not tell her
money is an ugly, ugly thing.
somewhere, deep down... i know that my dad feels guilty and will probably give andrew the chance not to quit... and i know that my brother will probably take that chance... and that makes me feel very very low. very low.
My dad told andrew that he had to quit piano... andrew's taking it really hard... and i can feel my dad in pain too, but andrew doesn't seem to be able to feel that... hum.
i'm not sure if my brother knows... how much it aches, physically and emotionally, to be working 2 jobs and still not be able to provide everything that your family wants. andrew doesn't seem to realize it, but he's making my dad feel very very guilty... but, really.... my dad's 64 and he's having a new child; andrew needs to understand that, even amidst all our luxury, we can't afford piano lessons. We're so used to living well that our current situation almost seems like our marginal propensity to consume (we've tried cutting back on some expenses, but to no avail), and my dad, along with everyone else, really doesn't want to give anything up. i understand that andrew's willing to give up nearly everything to continue piano, but i can't say the same for the rest of the family, including my dad. my dad does not want to be eating top ramen when he should be eating more healthily; ironically, andrew's the one that consumes the most. really, though, i don't think neither andrew nor i should ask any more than food and shelter, considering all the sacrifices my dad's already made for us.
my dad's starting to feel old...and inadequate...and....andrew needs to stop making him feel guilty... but... piano is akin to andrew's life... but...
even harder to know that my piano teacher is one of the very few people andrew feels close to and connects with
i had to make the call because andrew couldn't... he just plain could not tell her
money is an ugly, ugly thing.
somewhere, deep down... i know that my dad feels guilty and will probably give andrew the chance not to quit... and i know that my brother will probably take that chance... and that makes me feel very very low. very low.
Saturday, December 07, 2002
hum... andrew chooses to argue/discuss the weirdest things with me at the most inconvenient times.... argh... it's very... unsettling... It's like... he thinks he's moving major ground, but I'm not sure that he is, but i almost wish he were... hum.
At any rate, ecology club's attendance at the Earth Resource human broom clean up was very inspiring. =)
At any rate, ecology club's attendance at the Earth Resource human broom clean up was very inspiring. =)
Monday, November 11, 2002
Tuesday, November 05, 2002
Friday, October 25, 2002
Yaaay, thank yous to everyone who talked to me yesterday; ya'll made me feel spooshal. =) Also, thanks to all my friends who've been really really great and supportive through the other things... it's wonderful to have friends i can count on. I owe.
Two new links on the side... Neil's (Los Al Batmaan) Xanga Blog and Shirley's (yay... thanks for all your help... although our conversations are infrequent and far apart, you're always watching out for me... thanks so much =) Xanga Blog.
Two new links on the side... Neil's (Los Al Batmaan) Xanga Blog and Shirley's (yay... thanks for all your help... although our conversations are infrequent and far apart, you're always watching out for me... thanks so much =) Xanga Blog.
Sunday, October 20, 2002
Saturday, October 19, 2002
Thursday, October 17, 2002
For all ye Angels fans...
BURY BONDS! (barry bites.)
My social psychology class is trying to see if they can get the slogan "Bury Bonds!" to catch on. My soc. teacher, an avid angels fan, Fun times. Anyway, help us out by carrying along the slogan... please? Barry Bonds is really narcissitic and arrogant; he believes he carries the Giants.
BURY BONDS! (barry bites.)
My social psychology class is trying to see if they can get the slogan "Bury Bonds!" to catch on. My soc. teacher, an avid angels fan, Fun times. Anyway, help us out by carrying along the slogan... please? Barry Bonds is really narcissitic and arrogant; he believes he carries the Giants.
Thursday, October 10, 2002
Tuesday, October 08, 2002
Yay, a little story. My grandma has a male cat back home in the Philippines. Yes. Wooow. Anyway, one day, the cat came home with a little kitty, the runt of its litter, in its mouth, stolen from who knows where... my grandma and her help thought that her cat would eat the little kitty, so they let him carry the tiny babe to the corner of their back yard and do whatever it was he intended to do. It turns out that my grandma's cat started caring for the newborn (whose eyes were still wet, by the way), keeping it warm, protecting it, even letting it ....um.... there's no way i can put this delicately, so... suck on his nipple. Currently, both kitties are living happily, if not strangely, keeping each other company.
Sorry, I'm a horrible story teller.
I hate when I hear music in my head right before I fall asleep and i have neither the talent nor drive to write it down. ( Sami, that was dun =P Something else was dun too... eh, oh well, i don't remember what it is. )
Sorry, I'm a horrible story teller.
I hate when I hear music in my head right before I fall asleep and i have neither the talent nor drive to write it down. ( Sami, that was dun =P Something else was dun too... eh, oh well, i don't remember what it is. )
Friday, October 04, 2002
I just realized something really saddening... now that i've quit piano, i can't play a piece solely for someone else... no more performances, formal or informal. Not that it's any great loss... i'm nearly 18 and i'm still playing intermediate pieces. ah well. on to other things for now, i'll come back to this later? hopefully.
it's amazing how much i've deteriorated in such a short time... playing duets with my brother is now harder than it used to be.
it's amazing how much i've deteriorated in such a short time... playing duets with my brother is now harder than it used to be.
Monday, September 16, 2002
Oh, right, maybe it's a good thing i may not be around for most of my step-sibling's life... i'm such a crappy sister... =P No, really... I do such mean things to andrew... i dunno how he puts up with me... I antagonize him for my own amusement (and he thinks i'm serious), I'm especially sarcastic towards him because he hates it, i interrupt him (because it particularly annoys him), i yell for no reason (just to piss him off), i can create hysteria while he's working (i did that once when his contact became stuck in his eye.... now he won't wear contacts... i don't know whether those two facts are correlated, but i'm blaming myself anyway), i insult him when i'm angry (someone remind me to tell him that i'm not serious when i say things; he oftentimes takes me seriously when i'm not, and blows me off when i'm being serious), i'm messy, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I'm sure the list of grievances against myself against my brother goes on and on, but thinking about it makes me want to smack myself in the head harder than i just have. Whoooooops, i forgot why i was up... test today. >.<, ha.
Sunday, September 15, 2002
Yay, my uncle came and visited today =) He's having problems at home and is going to be coming here 'bout every week or so. With my grandma home, my step-mom around, seka's continuous calls, sean's random calls, the continual mention of my aunts', and my uncle's frequent visits, I'm getting a stronger sense of family...it's great! =D
I'm so lucky...
Hum... I was listening to my dad and my uncle talk things over and i, again, came to the conclusion that HUMANS ARE CRUEL. And i wonder if this works... i am cruel, therefore, i'm human? nah, that doesn't work. does it?
On a different note (yea?), I think the reason the new-child thing is so shocking to me is because my dad was continually insulting her and talking about sending my step-mom back to the Philippines. Of course, that's out of the question now. =)
I'm so lucky...
Hum... I was listening to my dad and my uncle talk things over and i, again, came to the conclusion that HUMANS ARE CRUEL. And i wonder if this works... i am cruel, therefore, i'm human? nah, that doesn't work. does it?
On a different note (yea?), I think the reason the new-child thing is so shocking to me is because my dad was continually insulting her and talking about sending my step-mom back to the Philippines. Of course, that's out of the question now. =)
Friday, September 13, 2002
today i found out that my step-mom will be two months pregnant on September 30th.
wow. hummm.... i'm all mixed-feeling-ed.... having a new little brother/sister when i'm already 18... strange. I'd like the situation much better if my brother and I weren't possibly leaving in a couple years; I don't like the idea of being the big sister younger sibling never sees, hardly knows, and never is around. How can I be supportive if I'm not living in the same house (supportive in my idea of immediate family)? Although I doubt that I will be as close to my step-sibling as my brother (practically every day is a day of bonding), I'd like to be around for his/her childhood.
Sigh, blah, perhaps I'm being selfish. I want to be a part of too many peoples' lives. I don't know if I even have the capability to care for so many people; I wonder if there is a limit to the amount (quantity and intensity) of love a person can give. With myself, i wouldn't be surprised. With some others, i would be shocked. Hum. I suppose time would be one of the greater restrictions... there seems to be a limited amount of time I want to donate to people before wanting to be by myself.
I don't know. Maybe I'm jealous that my brother and i won't be my dad's little ones any more. Maybe I'm pre-assuming too much responsibility. If I worry over her/him as much as i worry over andrew, i'm going to worry myself to death, considering andrew doesn't do much to worry anyone and I'm still worry wart-ing. Andrew obviously takes better care of himself than i do of myself, but still... i can't help it...
I wonder how this child is going to grow up, virtually an only child (i mean, no peer consistantly around to relate to) and father already 54. I want to stay and help my parents out for the next 17 years, but, simultaneously, I'd love to be away. Crazy.
wow. hummm.... i'm all mixed-feeling-ed.... having a new little brother/sister when i'm already 18... strange. I'd like the situation much better if my brother and I weren't possibly leaving in a couple years; I don't like the idea of being the big sister younger sibling never sees, hardly knows, and never is around. How can I be supportive if I'm not living in the same house (supportive in my idea of immediate family)? Although I doubt that I will be as close to my step-sibling as my brother (practically every day is a day of bonding), I'd like to be around for his/her childhood.
Sigh, blah, perhaps I'm being selfish. I want to be a part of too many peoples' lives. I don't know if I even have the capability to care for so many people; I wonder if there is a limit to the amount (quantity and intensity) of love a person can give. With myself, i wouldn't be surprised. With some others, i would be shocked. Hum. I suppose time would be one of the greater restrictions... there seems to be a limited amount of time I want to donate to people before wanting to be by myself.
I don't know. Maybe I'm jealous that my brother and i won't be my dad's little ones any more. Maybe I'm pre-assuming too much responsibility. If I worry over her/him as much as i worry over andrew, i'm going to worry myself to death, considering andrew doesn't do much to worry anyone and I'm still worry wart-ing. Andrew obviously takes better care of himself than i do of myself, but still... i can't help it...
I wonder how this child is going to grow up, virtually an only child (i mean, no peer consistantly around to relate to) and father already 54. I want to stay and help my parents out for the next 17 years, but, simultaneously, I'd love to be away. Crazy.
Monday, August 26, 2002
note to self: in the fairy hills?
heard on 91.5, as an introduction to a Haydn symphony
some stories are too good to be true, but this one is completely real. The audience rushes up to a composer in order to congratulate him on his work, and a great chandelier comes crashing down where the audience was previously sitting.... This isn't the symphony [that the story correlates to], but... who cares. Haydn's Miracle Symphony.
hahahahaha, that still cracks me up.
'course, not word for word... my memory is horrible (to which Steve can attest).
heard on 91.5, as an introduction to a Haydn symphony
some stories are too good to be true, but this one is completely real. The audience rushes up to a composer in order to congratulate him on his work, and a great chandelier comes crashing down where the audience was previously sitting.... This isn't the symphony [that the story correlates to], but... who cares. Haydn's Miracle Symphony.
hahahahaha, that still cracks me up.
'course, not word for word... my memory is horrible (to which Steve can attest).
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
one of my best friends just told me that he/she has cancer.
my aunt, who is not, by any means, rich, just had a liposuction... yes, she does have a child to send through college in 5 years or so.
my good friend is moving away, and he's hating the hell out of it.
I'm wrestling with my own stupid emotions.
today isn't the best of days.
my aunt, who is not, by any means, rich, just had a liposuction... yes, she does have a child to send through college in 5 years or so.
my good friend is moving away, and he's hating the hell out of it.
I'm wrestling with my own stupid emotions.
today isn't the best of days.
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
The Path to Obesity... is a swift yet tireless one. Yes, there are some sacrifices to be made, i.e. joints, some relationships, running, underwear, etc. etc. However, once you look past those petty sacrifices, you will find a path to greatness!
WHAT??!?!, you say?
If you are giving obesity, you are a heartless bastard pawning sweet and cholesterol-full temptations baked by the devil. If you are receiving obesity, you are most obviously a victim and ought to be pitied and cherished by mankind. Therefore, the less horrible of mankind, in its hypocritical loving way, will ostracize those who ostracize you and "cherish" you in hopes of ridding you of your "eating disorder." Fortunately for you, this causes more intake of food, making for a greater step in the path to obesity.
If you give and receive obesity, you are a most cherished bastard.
... I have not a CLUE what i'm talking about.
WHAT??!?!, you say?
If you are giving obesity, you are a heartless bastard pawning sweet and cholesterol-full temptations baked by the devil. If you are receiving obesity, you are most obviously a victim and ought to be pitied and cherished by mankind. Therefore, the less horrible of mankind, in its hypocritical loving way, will ostracize those who ostracize you and "cherish" you in hopes of ridding you of your "eating disorder." Fortunately for you, this causes more intake of food, making for a greater step in the path to obesity.
If you give and receive obesity, you are a most cherished bastard.
... I have not a CLUE what i'm talking about.
censored: you tard
AprilMaieOktovar: GIANT TARD
censored: OBESE
AprilMaieOktovar: I'M A FREAKIN GIANT FREAK OF NATURE
censored: GOOD LORD
censored: GO EAT SOME KASHI
AprilMaieOktovar: WHY HAS THE GOOD LORD MADE ME?
AprilMaieOktovar: IF IT IS NOT TO EAT KASHI?
censored: YOU ATE HIM
AprilMaieOktovar: OH MY GOD
AprilMaieOktovar: HOLY CRAP!!
censored: LITERALLY.
AprilMaieOktovar: I MUST PRAY TO MY TOILET
censored: PRAY TO YOUR STOMACH AND YOUR OBESITY
censored: YOU.. YOU... GOD EATER!
( to spare the ...pride?--wait, no, GIGANTIC EGO (yes, yes, i kid) of the other 'tard in the conversation, his/her/its name has been...well, duh.)
this conversation was brought to you by samin's camping word of the day: obese. OBESE! it's a way of living. ::nudge nudge:: yes, khushi and i have perfected the art of living as OBESE people. amaze (stolen from kevin hsu).
...so, when do i getta visit the mental institution?
AprilMaieOktovar: GIANT TARD
censored: OBESE
AprilMaieOktovar: I'M A FREAKIN GIANT FREAK OF NATURE
censored: GOOD LORD
censored: GO EAT SOME KASHI
AprilMaieOktovar: WHY HAS THE GOOD LORD MADE ME?
AprilMaieOktovar: IF IT IS NOT TO EAT KASHI?
censored: YOU ATE HIM
AprilMaieOktovar: OH MY GOD
AprilMaieOktovar: HOLY CRAP!!
censored: LITERALLY.
AprilMaieOktovar: I MUST PRAY TO MY TOILET
censored: PRAY TO YOUR STOMACH AND YOUR OBESITY
censored: YOU.. YOU... GOD EATER!
( to spare the ...pride?--wait, no, GIGANTIC EGO (yes, yes, i kid) of the other 'tard in the conversation, his/her/its name has been...well, duh.)
this conversation was brought to you by samin's camping word of the day: obese. OBESE! it's a way of living. ::nudge nudge:: yes, khushi and i have perfected the art of living as OBESE people. amaze (stolen from kevin hsu).
...so, when do i getta visit the mental institution?
Monday, August 12, 2002
Wednesday, August 07, 2002
Monday, July 29, 2002
Monday, July 15, 2002
I was listening to my brother's Tenchi Muyo! CDs in the car, and I came across this song again ... =P Washu's neato keen!
Sit back and listen to this song that I'm singin',
Photon, proton, synchroton are interesting
Science is better than love can ever be
Falling in love is based on chaotic theory!
Emotions are exhausting,
Quantum mechanics never ever make you frown
With scientific methods,
Imaginary walls will come tumbling down, yeah!
Yay!
Sit back and listen to this song that I'm singin',
Photon, proton, synchroton are interesting
Science is better than love can ever be
Falling in love is based on chaotic theory!
Emotions are exhausting,
Quantum mechanics never ever make you frown
With scientific methods,
Imaginary walls will come tumbling down, yeah!
Yay!
Saturday, July 06, 2002
Tuesday, July 02, 2002
Thursday, June 27, 2002
Tuesday, June 18, 2002
yay! excited =P
When: Sunday, June 23, 2002
Where: Neil's house
Who: Wait and See
What: Watching Anime and animation
10:00 Up Stairs: Tenchi Movie: Tenchi in Love 1
Down Stairs: DDR
10:30 Down Stairs: DBZ Movie 13
11:30 Up Stairs-Three Computer: Neon Genesis Evangelion 1-26
Up Stairs: Tenchi Movie: Daughter of Darkness
Down Stairs: Outlaw Star-1-3
12:00 Lunch
1:00 Up Stairs: Mystery Movie aka Metroplosis/Princess Mononoke/Ninja Scroll
Down Stairs: DDR
3:00 Up Stairs: Akira
Down Stairs: Whatever
6:00 Dinner
7:00 Up Stairs: Shrek
Down Stairs: DBZ Movie 7
8:30 Shaved Ice Eating Contest/Leaving Time
When: Sunday, June 23, 2002
Where: Neil's house
Who: Wait and See
What: Watching Anime and animation
10:00 Up Stairs: Tenchi Movie: Tenchi in Love 1
Down Stairs: DDR
10:30 Down Stairs: DBZ Movie 13
11:30 Up Stairs-Three Computer: Neon Genesis Evangelion 1-26
Up Stairs: Tenchi Movie: Daughter of Darkness
Down Stairs: Outlaw Star-1-3
12:00 Lunch
1:00 Up Stairs: Mystery Movie aka Metroplosis/Princess Mononoke/Ninja Scroll
Down Stairs: DDR
3:00 Up Stairs: Akira
Down Stairs: Whatever
6:00 Dinner
7:00 Up Stairs: Shrek
Down Stairs: DBZ Movie 7
8:30 Shaved Ice Eating Contest/Leaving Time
Thursday, June 13, 2002
Thursday, June 06, 2002
Tuesday, June 04, 2002
The wood on the desk
In the shape of a cross
Is our sacrifice;
Our grades at the cost.
How much it would helpp
to copy our neighbor
Then we could be wrong
Without half the labor!
This class collected
could not complete this;
Now the bell's ringing -
Good luck with your test.
- crazy slick fizziks man
Bleh, the test slaughtered me anyway =(
In the shape of a cross
Is our sacrifice;
Our grades at the cost.
How much it would helpp
to copy our neighbor
Then we could be wrong
Without half the labor!
This class collected
could not complete this;
Now the bell's ringing -
Good luck with your test.
- crazy slick fizziks man
Bleh, the test slaughtered me anyway =(
Friday, May 10, 2002
Thursday, May 09, 2002
Haha,
this would certainly help MUN. found via EEP Quotes.
take the "what's my fault" quiz.
(and then browse around mewing.net. because laura is cool.)
I wonder whether the One who Spins creates from a uniform substance.
And I wonder what note my string would sing when vibrated.
And I wonder, when cut, whether I'd curl up violently or fall limply.
And I wonder, when freeing me, whether the One who Cuts needs sewing scissors or a battle axe.
Oh, by the way, my plant lives! Unfortunately, most of the other ones weren't relocated but stomped and uprooted.
this would certainly help MUN. found via EEP Quotes.
take the "what's my fault" quiz.
(and then browse around mewing.net. because laura is cool.)
I wonder whether the One who Spins creates from a uniform substance.
And I wonder what note my string would sing when vibrated.
And I wonder, when cut, whether I'd curl up violently or fall limply.
And I wonder, when freeing me, whether the One who Cuts needs sewing scissors or a battle axe.
Oh, by the way, my plant lives! Unfortunately, most of the other ones weren't relocated but stomped and uprooted.
Wednesday, May 08, 2002
ah, fuck. They killed it. The one Thing that grew without my having to tend It every day, that understood the concept of tough love. It was bad enough when they uprooted my father's plant; how could they kill mine too? Grrrrrrr, I wish those workers had never re-laid the cement in the driveway, in the pathway, and in the storm drain. Itai, it hurts.
Monday, May 06, 2002
I hear witches inside my ears
Stirring poisons from the past,
Proclaiming false all of my tears:
"Only we shall evil cast!"
Bleakness holds me in a tremor,
Fearing all that I should do
- Never shall I do harm, never!
I steer only to the true! -
Something deep in rain it shatters
Minds and holds and freedoms through;
Reeling spirits, b'hold my weather:
Only false will do me true.
Witches in me are my pleasure,
Witches out are quickly in;
Stirring themselves in their cauldron,
Seeping in my brain, they end:
"Cry us not your bad and evil,
Pretend not to deeply sin;
Your blackest parts are to us steeple,
Evil lies in inaction."
Something in the rain, it shatters
Something in my mind, it cries;
Death is all we have that shivers
Deep inside our faithful lies.
- done by the crazy slick fizziks man
Stirring poisons from the past,
Proclaiming false all of my tears:
"Only we shall evil cast!"
Bleakness holds me in a tremor,
Fearing all that I should do
- Never shall I do harm, never!
I steer only to the true! -
Something deep in rain it shatters
Minds and holds and freedoms through;
Reeling spirits, b'hold my weather:
Only false will do me true.
Witches in me are my pleasure,
Witches out are quickly in;
Stirring themselves in their cauldron,
Seeping in my brain, they end:
"Cry us not your bad and evil,
Pretend not to deeply sin;
Your blackest parts are to us steeple,
Evil lies in inaction."
Something in the rain, it shatters
Something in my mind, it cries;
Death is all we have that shivers
Deep inside our faithful lies.
- done by the crazy slick fizziks man
Thursday, April 25, 2002
Wednesday, April 24, 2002
"Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? Because he was looking for Pooh! wahaha"
Babysitting Chelsea was no great fun. On the other hand, getting paid to watch her watch tv wasn't horrible.
Forever and Ever
(i don't know who the lyricist is)
Pooh, there's something I have to tell you
Is it something, nice?
Not, exactly
Then it can wait
It can, for how long?
Forever and ever
Forever and ever
Is a very long time Pooh
Forever isn't long at all
When I'm with you
I wanna call your name, forever
And you will always answer, forever
And both of us will be
Forever you and me
Forever and ever
I wanna stay like this, forever
If only I could promise, forever
Then we could just be we
Forever you and me
Forever and ever
Forever and ever
Is a very long time Pooh
Forever isn't long at all, Christopher
When I'm with you
I wanna be with you, forever
I want you right here beside me, forever
One thing you should know
No matter where I go
We'll always be together
Forever and ever
=(
Babysitting Chelsea was no great fun. On the other hand, getting paid to watch her watch tv wasn't horrible.
Forever and Ever
(i don't know who the lyricist is)
Pooh, there's something I have to tell you
Is it something, nice?
Not, exactly
Then it can wait
It can, for how long?
Forever and ever
Forever and ever
Is a very long time Pooh
Forever isn't long at all
When I'm with you
I wanna call your name, forever
And you will always answer, forever
And both of us will be
Forever you and me
Forever and ever
I wanna stay like this, forever
If only I could promise, forever
Then we could just be we
Forever you and me
Forever and ever
Forever and ever
Is a very long time Pooh
Forever isn't long at all, Christopher
When I'm with you
I wanna be with you, forever
I want you right here beside me, forever
One thing you should know
No matter where I go
We'll always be together
Forever and ever
=(
Thursday, April 04, 2002
Iiiiiiiiinteresting.
3. Bolero, from the song cycle Farewell to St. Petersburg by Mikhail Ivanovich Glinka (1804-1857)
O deva chudnaja moja,
Oh wonderful girl of mine,
Tvojej ljubov'ju schastliv ja!
How happy is my love for you!
Pripav chelom k mojej grudi
Your brow lies on my breast
V nemom vostorge tajesh' ty.
Sinking in silent ecstasy.
Tak mnogo plameni v ochakh!
Oh, the burning in your eyes!
Tak mnogo negi na ustakh!
Oh, the passion on your lips!
Trepeshchet grud', ty vsja drozhish'.
Your trembling breast... all aquiver.
Bez slov ty kljatvy mne darish'.
You need no words as you give me your caresses.
Lobzan'je dlitsja bez rechej.
Our lingering kiss is beyond words.
Ja p'ju vostorg ljubvi tvojej
I devour your loving delight
V nevozmutimoj tishine.
In silence and stillness.
No jesli ty izmenish' mne...
But if you are ever unfaithful...
O deva bednaja moja!
Oh, wretched girl of mine!
I dik i mrachen budu ja,
My dark rage
I burju smerti podymu
Shall deal death
Tebe i drugu tvojemu!
To you and him together.
Dymitsja krov', nesjotsja krik,
In streaming blood and screaming,
A ja k ustam tvojim prinik,
Pressing upon your lips,
Ja rvu poslednij zvuk rechej,
I'll strip from them your last sound,
Poslednij vzor tvojikh ochej.
And tear the last glance from your eyes.
Ljubvi krylatyje mechty,
All of these are airy dreams
Nadezhdy, schast'je - vsjo prosti;
Of hope and happiness; You must forgive me
Ja videl vas v kovarnom sne,
I have dreamt of you in blood.
No net - ty ne izmenish' mne.
But no, you'll never be unfaithful.
Translation to English copyright © by A. D. P. Briggs
3. Bolero, from the song cycle Farewell to St. Petersburg by Mikhail Ivanovich Glinka (1804-1857)
O deva chudnaja moja,
Oh wonderful girl of mine,
Tvojej ljubov'ju schastliv ja!
How happy is my love for you!
Pripav chelom k mojej grudi
Your brow lies on my breast
V nemom vostorge tajesh' ty.
Sinking in silent ecstasy.
Tak mnogo plameni v ochakh!
Oh, the burning in your eyes!
Tak mnogo negi na ustakh!
Oh, the passion on your lips!
Trepeshchet grud', ty vsja drozhish'.
Your trembling breast... all aquiver.
Bez slov ty kljatvy mne darish'.
You need no words as you give me your caresses.
Lobzan'je dlitsja bez rechej.
Our lingering kiss is beyond words.
Ja p'ju vostorg ljubvi tvojej
I devour your loving delight
V nevozmutimoj tishine.
In silence and stillness.
No jesli ty izmenish' mne...
But if you are ever unfaithful...
O deva bednaja moja!
Oh, wretched girl of mine!
I dik i mrachen budu ja,
My dark rage
I burju smerti podymu
Shall deal death
Tebe i drugu tvojemu!
To you and him together.
Dymitsja krov', nesjotsja krik,
In streaming blood and screaming,
A ja k ustam tvojim prinik,
Pressing upon your lips,
Ja rvu poslednij zvuk rechej,
I'll strip from them your last sound,
Poslednij vzor tvojikh ochej.
And tear the last glance from your eyes.
Ljubvi krylatyje mechty,
All of these are airy dreams
Nadezhdy, schast'je - vsjo prosti;
Of hope and happiness; You must forgive me
Ja videl vas v kovarnom sne,
I have dreamt of you in blood.
No net - ty ne izmenish' mne.
But no, you'll never be unfaithful.
Translation to English copyright © by A. D. P. Briggs
Wednesday, March 27, 2002
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Tuesday, March 12, 2002
Saturday, March 09, 2002
Wheeee, Science Olympiad was absolutely wonderful! =) Fun stuff, even the studying. I could be induced to sell many of my best memories for a tremendous sum of money, but these...I don't want to let go of these. It's hard to believe SciOly killed Brendan's father and raped his mother (as Brendan so eloquently claimed truthfully). I have to admit, though, scibowl was awful. The idiot proctor cheated the A team and screwed the B team. How laaaaaame, he called time whenever he wanted to, even after just 3 questions. He didn't even know how to run a round robin. Bleh. Oh well, hope Los Al gets ta go to state.
Over the next two weeks, I'm lookin forward to Bevvy's party, Eco club tree-planting, and AQT tournament! Yippeeee!!! Unfortunately, I have to miss two hours of DBZ to go to the Eco club tree-planting... =( Not cool. Shoot, Trunks and Goten fighting at the world tournament is the best clip too... >.<
Videl can fly! Someone told me that Pan is the only female that has flying abilities. Yay Videl !
Over the next two weeks, I'm lookin forward to Bevvy's party, Eco club tree-planting, and AQT tournament! Yippeeee!!! Unfortunately, I have to miss two hours of DBZ to go to the Eco club tree-planting... =( Not cool. Shoot, Trunks and Goten fighting at the world tournament is the best clip too... >.<
Videl can fly! Someone told me that Pan is the only female that has flying abilities. Yay Videl !
Thursday, February 21, 2002
Once I thought that death was only the act of dying
Leaving those alive helpless, alone and crying.
But now I understand its how, when, and why,
Which can all be expressed as "We're all going to die!"
Beware the Heat Death!, my fair physicked friend
Entropy constantly brings us nearer to the end!
Beware the Heat Death! Not even the professor's weight
Can prevent us from enetering a more disorderly state.
Beware the Heat Death! These are my last words to you;
The Delta-S will kill us all! There is nothing we can do!
- done in 5 minutes by the crazy slick fizziks man
Leaving those alive helpless, alone and crying.
But now I understand its how, when, and why,
Which can all be expressed as "We're all going to die!"
Beware the Heat Death!, my fair physicked friend
Entropy constantly brings us nearer to the end!
Beware the Heat Death! Not even the professor's weight
Can prevent us from enetering a more disorderly state.
Beware the Heat Death! These are my last words to you;
The Delta-S will kill us all! There is nothing we can do!
- done in 5 minutes by the crazy slick fizziks man
Wednesday, February 20, 2002
Your Results:
You were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere around the territory of what is now know as modern Wales, approximately in the year 1300.
Your profession was: chemist, alchemist, poison manufacturer. (mwahaha)
A brief psychological profile of you in that past life:
You always liked to travel, to investigate, could have been detective or spy.
A lesson that your last past life wishes you to learn in your present life is:
Your lesson -- to conquer jealousy and anger in yourself and then in those, who will select you as their guide. You should understand that these weaknesses are caused by fear and self-regret.
CENTER>
I am ERNIE.
Everyone loves to hang out with me.
Which Sesame Street Character Are You?
heh, that's funny, Ernie was the only Sesame Street character that really annoyed me when I was younger.
I am ERNIE.
Everyone loves to hang out with me.
Which Sesame Street Character Are You?
heh, that's funny, Ernie was the only Sesame Street character that really annoyed me when I was younger.
Saturday, February 16, 2002
Thursday, February 14, 2002
Agh, since I can only sign on for 3-minute periods, I'm gonna blog. It's a bunch less annoying and much easier to hide =)
I wonder what would happen if I died in a dream...would I dream of the afterlife, wake up, yell like crazy, or actually pass some spiritual barrier? Also, if I really enjoyed falling, would I enjoy my fall off a cliff until the last second before death? I once dreamed I jumped off an airplane (with my dad and brother, i think). Oh yea, while jumping, without a parachute, i continually yelled "wheeeeeeeeeeee! ^_^". Anyway, I almost allowed myself to land on a concrete roof, but I chickened out and blinked; i opened my eyes to a slew of cushions on the roof. I knew I was dreaming, and I knew that I wasn't ready to die, in real life or in my dream world. Ah, don't worry, I'll get around to it one of these days.
sigh...i am worthy for neither life nor death. And, for some of you, I'm just not worthy.
I wonder what would happen if I died in a dream...would I dream of the afterlife, wake up, yell like crazy, or actually pass some spiritual barrier? Also, if I really enjoyed falling, would I enjoy my fall off a cliff until the last second before death? I once dreamed I jumped off an airplane (with my dad and brother, i think). Oh yea, while jumping, without a parachute, i continually yelled "wheeeeeeeeeeee! ^_^". Anyway, I almost allowed myself to land on a concrete roof, but I chickened out and blinked; i opened my eyes to a slew of cushions on the roof. I knew I was dreaming, and I knew that I wasn't ready to die, in real life or in my dream world. Ah, don't worry, I'll get around to it one of these days.
sigh...i am worthy for neither life nor death. And, for some of you, I'm just not worthy.
Saturday, February 09, 2002
why is it so often that things i expect to turn out well result horribly, and things i expect to result horribly turn out well? Is such life or am I just a horrible judge of situation? Ah well.
For every compliment I give, I hafta make at least 5 sarcastic meaningless jokes to make up for it, probably to save myself from embarassment. Hey, it works, although I unintentionally cheapen my compliments that way. sorry about that.
Mmmm, I wish I could speak my parents' tongue. I hate not being able to understand conversations in Tagalog; I'm a foreigner in my parents' homes. Unfortunately, I quit learning Tagalog when I was in kindergarten =( My mom had forgotten to tell me that Tagalog and English were two separate languages, so my kindergarten teacher became pissed with me. Ha, whoops. Really, it's a shame.
For every compliment I give, I hafta make at least 5 sarcastic meaningless jokes to make up for it, probably to save myself from embarassment. Hey, it works, although I unintentionally cheapen my compliments that way. sorry about that.
Mmmm, I wish I could speak my parents' tongue. I hate not being able to understand conversations in Tagalog; I'm a foreigner in my parents' homes. Unfortunately, I quit learning Tagalog when I was in kindergarten =( My mom had forgotten to tell me that Tagalog and English were two separate languages, so my kindergarten teacher became pissed with me. Ha, whoops. Really, it's a shame.
Friday, February 08, 2002
Waha, cute.
 I am Mr Do.I am sedentary by nature, enjoying passive entertainment, eating when the mood takes me, and playing with my food. I try to avoid conflict, but when I'm angered, I can be a devil - if you force me to fight, I will crush you. With apples. What Video Game Character Are You? |
Thursday, February 07, 2002
Something interesting... when we learn new things, we create new connections between neurons in our brain. According to my anatomy (biology) teacher, comedians are smart due to the fact that they are able to quickly call up connections between things that aren't normally related.
**warning? religious ...speak?
I know I'm a bit late, but my pastor said something that really hit home on Sunday. He said that God is not a magical formula for happiness, nor a cosmic gumball machine that takes prayers as payment. God fills his followers with blessedness, which is not to be confused with earthly happiness. That's why He says the meek, the destitute, the mourning, etc. etc. will be blessed.
Back in black. Is it possible that all my philosophical ramblings and reasonings are just excuses for my true thoughts? Am I denying my shallow thoughts to myself? Am I so conceited that I believe my thoughts aren't so vain, base, and vile as natural instinct? Yes, I think so.
I've circled into thinking I'm slightly above average; I used to think I was insignificant, then a "unique individual." My grades and my looks are slightly above average, and every musician who's heard me knows that my piano skills are only slightly above average. My writing? Maybe slightly above average, if not less. I'd like to think I'm a genius, almost as smart as any of ya'll reading this, but I know I'm only slightly above average; I'm nowhere near the high caliber of my friends.
It's off to dinner for me. Yummy seafood and spaghetti...yuuuuummmm. Tonight was/is most probably my last night online cuz my dad's going to be too happy about my only slightly above average gpa. ::sigh:: blog a bit more later, after dinner.
**warning? religious ...speak?
I know I'm a bit late, but my pastor said something that really hit home on Sunday. He said that God is not a magical formula for happiness, nor a cosmic gumball machine that takes prayers as payment. God fills his followers with blessedness, which is not to be confused with earthly happiness. That's why He says the meek, the destitute, the mourning, etc. etc. will be blessed.
Back in black. Is it possible that all my philosophical ramblings and reasonings are just excuses for my true thoughts? Am I denying my shallow thoughts to myself? Am I so conceited that I believe my thoughts aren't so vain, base, and vile as natural instinct? Yes, I think so.
I've circled into thinking I'm slightly above average; I used to think I was insignificant, then a "unique individual." My grades and my looks are slightly above average, and every musician who's heard me knows that my piano skills are only slightly above average. My writing? Maybe slightly above average, if not less. I'd like to think I'm a genius, almost as smart as any of ya'll reading this, but I know I'm only slightly above average; I'm nowhere near the high caliber of my friends.
It's off to dinner for me. Yummy seafood and spaghetti...yuuuuummmm. Tonight was/is most probably my last night online cuz my dad's going to be too happy about my only slightly above average gpa. ::sigh:: blog a bit more later, after dinner.
Monday, January 28, 2002
Friday, January 25, 2002
I've finally figured out what my "breakdowns" are. When I am so infused with anger, sadness, and hate, I become useless, capable only of crying uncontrollably or destroying random things. Lucky for me, I caught mine right before it reached threshold stimulus and ate it away with Chex cereal and soy bean milk. I gorged myself knowing I was eating only because I wanted to drown my sorrows in a bowl of pleasure, the food being pleasure. Theeeen I washed away any remnants of angry feelings with music.
Friday's lecture at UCI was quite interesting. One of the female speakers, in response to the speech given by Aridjis, told a story about orange groves and orange orchards. She was in Spain with her husband, driving through some orange trees which were in full blossom, when she started crying uncontrollably, thinking of her mother. It turns out, when she was very very very young, her late mother had an orchard at home, planted with orange trees. She had subconsciously remembered her past. I found this story irrelevant to Aridjis's amazing speech about his environmental actions against the government, thinking groves to be forced upon the earth, but my father set me straight. I'd forgotten there were no pesticides at the time, no CFCs destroying what they were supposed to be protecting. Thought that was interesting.
Friday's lecture at UCI was quite interesting. One of the female speakers, in response to the speech given by Aridjis, told a story about orange groves and orange orchards. She was in Spain with her husband, driving through some orange trees which were in full blossom, when she started crying uncontrollably, thinking of her mother. It turns out, when she was very very very young, her late mother had an orchard at home, planted with orange trees. She had subconsciously remembered her past. I found this story irrelevant to Aridjis's amazing speech about his environmental actions against the government, thinking groves to be forced upon the earth, but my father set me straight. I'd forgotten there were no pesticides at the time, no CFCs destroying what they were supposed to be protecting. Thought that was interesting.
Wednesday, January 23, 2002
Monday, January 21, 2002
I've realized that I'm nothing compared to what I could be. I could be a really great pianist if I only worked two more hours a day. That's it. Just two more measly hours a day and I could be 7 times better than I am now. Yet, I still allow myself to be distracted by petty things like comics and things that are shiny... There's so much I should be doing instead of what I'm doing. I fear my dreams will never take flight; I'm too busy sifting through the ground.
::sigh:: there are so many shiny things on the web...
::sigh:: there are so many shiny things on the web...
Monday, January 14, 2002
Thursday, January 10, 2002
Life is fairly pointless to for me. It's a constant cycle of getting captured by Bowser, getting rescued by men who lust after me either due to my looks or wealth, and baking cakes. Any involvement I have in a game is fairly limited. I reinforce the bad stereotype that women are helpless beings. I am made of sugar and spice and everything nice, yet incapable of inteligent thought. Such is the life of Peach.
I am a hip critter. I showed up fasionably late with Super Mario World and have started launching your own career since then. In maybe 10-15 years, my popularity will rival Mario's. Not that I'm competing with him. He's my bud. I'm good at getting and keeping friends, and they value me for that. After all, who else would carry them on their back through ice, fire, and rain? Sometimes I think I'm taken for granted, but I know that my friends have my back. Of course they do. Who would screw over Yoshi?
What Super Mario Bros character are you?
yaaaay, yoshi
Tuesday, January 08, 2002
OMgosh, I think I've found my true calling while doing my physics homework. I know what I want to do with my life! It's nothing completely outstanding or wonderful, but it allows me to deal with my contrasting ideals and wants. Cool ^_^ Aaaaaaaaaack, I hafta find a bunch of new colleges to apply for in order to pursue my calling blehghegh
A shadow plagues my heart, heavy as stone
Purpose unclear, origin unknown;
Sweet face and silent features,
All women are truely vile creatures.
- something from somewhere. it pretty much sums up what's running around in my mind, circling like a beheaded chicken
::sigh:: life sucks. I know I'm going to end up at a college where the people around me aren't of a high caliber of thought, considering the colleges to which I applied. The company will probably result in some lack in intellectual improvement, promising a dull and tedious life of mechanical work. Blegh, ah well, I probably need the time to mature.
The worst thing about going back to school is the lame comments about how ready and willing we should be to study for finals. "You're rested up, aren't you? Aren't you?" Yea, sure.
New Year's Resolution: Be less silly.
Purpose unclear, origin unknown;
Sweet face and silent features,
All women are truely vile creatures.
- something from somewhere. it pretty much sums up what's running around in my mind, circling like a beheaded chicken
::sigh:: life sucks. I know I'm going to end up at a college where the people around me aren't of a high caliber of thought, considering the colleges to which I applied. The company will probably result in some lack in intellectual improvement, promising a dull and tedious life of mechanical work. Blegh, ah well, I probably need the time to mature.
The worst thing about going back to school is the lame comments about how ready and willing we should be to study for finals. "You're rested up, aren't you? Aren't you?" Yea, sure.
New Year's Resolution: Be less silly.
Saturday, January 05, 2002
I don't belong here.
I feel uncomfortable talking with just about anybody, excluding Seka, Andrew, and Sarah. My response? Leave. No need to stay where I don't belong. The only places I do belong would be in front of a piano, in a library, by a tree, and in my room. Oh, and watching anime. Some life I'll have, hm. =) Ah well.
I feel uncomfortable talking with just about anybody, excluding Seka, Andrew, and Sarah. My response? Leave. No need to stay where I don't belong. The only places I do belong would be in front of a piano, in a library, by a tree, and in my room. Oh, and watching anime. Some life I'll have, hm. =) Ah well.
Friday, January 04, 2002
I just realized Linda's party is in the middle of the MUN conference, so I won't be able to go. =(
Colin's party was a nice way to to unwind (no sexual inferences meant, although strip poker would have been more interesting). Funny people, great host, interesting movie, but so little time...ah well.
oooh, powerpuff girls are on
Colin's party was a nice way to to unwind (no sexual inferences meant, although strip poker would have been more interesting). Funny people, great host, interesting movie, but so little time...ah well.
oooh, powerpuff girls are on
Thursday, January 03, 2002
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