Check out the giveaway finale at my wooden spoon: http://mywoodenspoon.com/2008/07/27/3mth-giveaways-come-to-an-end-with-a-bang/

3 awesome prizes so 3 lucky winners!

It's a little early, but check out the Christmas Crafts at Craftbits.com . They put up lots of fun-to-do and easy projects on their site. Take a look!

Christmas Craft Projects and Patterns

Check out the awesome kitchen knife giveaway at mywoodenspoon: http://mywoodenspoon.com/2008/07/15/annas-squash-ghoulash-surprise/

I definitely need a new kitchen knife (my current kitchen knife is a one I bought from a dollar store).

Woohoo, a new prize giveaway from the wooden spoon: http://mywoodenspoon.com/2008/07/10/cooking-with-paula-deen/

Check it out!!

Sweet, $250 Visa giftcard giveaway at the wooden spoon: http://mywoodenspoon.com/2008/07/01/surprise-250-visa-gift-card/

For all you crafters out there, this site is a must see: http://www.Craftgossip.com . They always have great ideas for any-occasion gifts you want to craft! The editors are really sweet too.

Another great prize from the wooden spoon: http://mywoodenspoon.com/2008/06/12/10yr-memberships-for-2-winners-to-emealsforyoucom/

Check out the emeals website if you don't know what it is: http://www.emealsforyou.com/

This week at the woodenspoon they're giving away Wilton Muffin Pans and a coupon for handy vac vacuum sealer! Go check it out: http://mywoodenspoon.com/2008/06/04/wilton-muffin-pans-reynolds-handi-vac-giveaway/

Check out the awesome cookware giveaways from the wooden spoon: http://mywoodenspoon.com/current-giveaways/ . One of the current giveaways is a Kitchenaid Stand Mixer! This site does a bangup job with its giveaways.

I would really like some DS Download co-op games. Honestly, I'm tired getting my ass kicked all the time in video games. Colin and Andrew are better than me at video games, it's a fact. I'd like to play video games without the bitter feelings, without the desire to armbar my loved ones. I'd also like to more often use my new DS.

and no, Children of Mana doesn't cut it... mostly because Colin doesn't like it. Besides, there has to be more than one good co-op game for the DS...

Lego Star Wars? Reviews say the co-op is super buggy and crappy
New Super Mario Bros? Total tease; there is no actual co-op play
Samurai Warrior? That would be great if we didn't already have Dynasty Warriors for PS2... it just wouldn't be the same

Hopefully Cookie and Cream will answer calls for co-op on DS.

do i guise my hesitation/inaction as patience?

realization of the day: confused people tend to gravitate towards one who seems to have it all figured out.

that's what i get for searching bol online


I did it in 9 seconds.
I deserved an A+!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!

=O i'm liking these "quizzes"! filched from andrew's ...livejournalthing.

Your Ultimate One Night Stand... by crispnite
LJ Username
Favorite animal
You invite over...
They bring...
You talk about...
You end up...	watching porn
Quiz created with MemeGen!

What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?
Name:
Age:
Sex:	MaleFemale
Sexuality:	StraightGayBisexual
Flirting Skill Level - 55%
Kissing Skill Level - 71%
Cudding Skill Level - 79%
Sex Skill Level - 94%
Why They Love You	You keep going and going and going...
Why They Hate You	You're too good to be true.
This fun quiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 983232 Times.

New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

How to make a applecority

Ingredients: 1 part anger 5 parts self-sufficiency 3 parts leadership

Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add caring to taste! Do not overindulge!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

This is for andrew.

alex called todayyyy! finally, no more phone tag. yes, she's interested in taking her piano students back. i am happy =D oooh, i hope she has christmas workshop =D =D =D =D

i failed my chem test today. two in a row! let's see if i can go for more.

sonja talked to me 'til 5 am =) my roomie is the bestest. she helped me feel better about myself.

things are crazy.

deaths of children in Russia

i want to live my life over and be a hunter! no, i haven't been watching too much anime =P i just mean... too many people and too "leisurely" a life, you know? agression has to go somewhere... lots of it, too... it's what i use to fuel most everything, school included. It's not a very stable fuel though; stupid happiness/serenity always comes in to interject. BUT! that's the way human society wanted to form itself (naturally), encouraging security and safety to be topmost priority along with a stable (but now much more than ample) food supply.

And if you can gorge yourself while you can, why wouldn't you? It's what animals do.

soo...i guess... it's not human error, that stupidity... serving ourselves past necesity, way beyond hedonistic desires, to the point of habit and dullness... it's just human error to ignore the amount of waste being created.

just . ha.

ANYWAY, where was i starting from? right! a hunter! and die at 14 from being clumsy or something. not running fast enough. i can see myself doing that. i think i would be much happier.

yes, i'm vague, and also too lazy to cut and paste this into my other blog.

hmm. Advice worth paying mind, but written in a way that makes me want to swear at the author. Bet this one's voting for Bush.

... don't remember a madding crowd searching for save-the-spotted-owl careers.

http://www.o25o.com/ - go to the colour project
I very much like brown, blue, green, yellow, orange, and red.

i decided to try writing something andrew-style. i'm not quite there yet. not even close. (andrew uses much more and much higher quality imagery... and randomness).

if it is ART

we are all trying to find depth
any depth
just some depth, anywhere
thus we create
because, if we're able to create well, we're deep, right?
create new rivulets of thought
new stimulations of emotion
or perhaps re-invent ideas already invented
understanding abstractions hardly understood

why depth?
so you know you're real
not just a fetus born from society's fetus
aren't we all fetuses?
then someone comes and pulls the emotions out
like the tides! it's gravitational, literally
and then i decide
I'M REAL.

why do i decide then
that I'M REAL?

is it that you make me feel deep?

'course. you've found a depth i never knew i had.

even when i was probing.
deep.
into me.
pushing.
satisfying, yet never satisfied.
breaking.

only imagined.
and in my imaginings, it wasn't the same.
silly life.

then it is SCIENCE.

to better understanding!

What happened to voting for a candidate in which we believe? At any rate, 'tis an interesting site.

I found this "About the Author" section in the back of Isaac Asimov's The Robots of Dawn:

"Isaac Asimov was born in the Soviet Union to his great surprise. He moved quickly to correct the situation. When his parents emigrated to the United States, Isaac (three years old at the time) stowed away in their baggage. He has been an American citizen since the age of eight.

"Brought up in Brooklyn, and educated in its public schools, he eventually found his way to Columbia University and, over the protests of the school administration, managed to annex a series of degrees in chemistry, up to and including a Ph.D. He then infiltrated Boston University and climbed the academic ladder, ignoring all cries of outrage, until he found himself Professor of Biochemistry.

"Meanwhile, at the age of nine, he found the love of his life (in the inanimate sense) when he discovered his first science-fiction magazine. By the time he was eleven, he began to write stories, and at eighteen, he actually worked up the nerve to submit one. It was rejected. After four long months of tribulation and suffering, he sold his first story and, thereafter, he never looked back.

"In 1941, when he was twenty-one years old, he wrote the classic short story 'Nightfall' and his future was assured. Shortly before that he had begun writing his robot stories, and shortly after that he had begun his Foundation series.

"What was left except quantity? At the present time, he has published over 260 books, distributed through every major division of the Dewey system of library classification, and shows no signs of slowing up. He remains as youthful, as lively, and as lovable as ever, and grows more handsome with each year. You can be sure that this is so since he has written this little essay himself and his devotion to absolute objectivity is notorious.

"He is married to Janet Jeppson, psychiatrist and writer, has two children by a previous marriage, and lives in New York City."

Publisher: Ballantine Books, New York. Copyright 1983.

maturity is not letting yourself be helpless

here's a good link explaining cartilage infections (and in some cases, treating)
it also explains hearing loss due to piercing is highly unlikely (phew)

Yay, I finally got cartilage piercings in my ears! did it last sunday. Anyway, I've heard rumors that infection in cartilage piercings can lead to deafness and blindness (yikes), but I haven't found any articles/studies that expressly draw that conclusion. Just in case, here a couple links explaining in layman's terms how your piercing heals and how to take care of it.

Thorough ~ Advice and Explanations
Piercing Care and Precautions
Less Formal ~ Risks, History, and Care

Personally, I'm more than a little careless when it comes to taking care of myself, luckily para mi, I was informed of the serious risk of infection early (thanks Vic).

Abbreviated summary of care (this is mostly for me so I don't forget):
- no ear piercing guns: needle can't be changed, beware blood-borne microorganisms
- clean with antiseptic as often as recommended (for cartilage- two to three times a day, 8 - 12 months)
- keep free of shampoo, hair gel, hairspray, perfume, etc. etc. etc. any chemicals
- clean with water/antiseptic after using any of the above chemicals or exercising (sweating)
- no public phones. disinfect own phone.
- keep pillowcase/sheets clean and changed frequently (::weep::)
-avoid sleeping on piercing (this one's a pain... i enjoy sleeping in fetus-position)
- don't pick at crust. that's like picking at a scab

Oh, the links also explain how to take care of infected piercings. The first link even explains what the different colors of pus mean! =D I like that. I also like looking at the color of my snot/urine to see how well I've been eating/ how ill I actually am.
Note to self: post that on blog later.

I saw Christopher Walken near UCLA! at the "Man On Fire" premiere. Neil "met" him.... and by "met" I mean almost screamed at him from a moving car.

Lawrence locked the windows =P

waitaminutewaitaminute, what am i talking about... sarah introduced me to my looooove of blueberries~

i can see myself turning into my dad more and more every day... it's really scary...

anime rips people apart

AprilMaieOktovar (7:17:54 PM): um, colin...
AprilMaieOktovar (7:17:59 PM): there's something i need to tell you...
JavaColin (7:18:04 PM): you're fat?
JavaColin (7:18:14 PM): what isit
AprilMaieOktovar (7:18:23 PM): it's more serious than that
AprilMaieOktovar (7:18:25 PM): i've kinda developed a great liking for yu-gi-oh while you were gone...
JavaColin (7:18:31 PM): oh man
JavaColin (7:18:36 PM): you're SO FUCKING DEAD
JavaColin (7:18:40 PM): i'm bringing my KNIFE
JavaColin (7:18:43 PM): GOOD BYE
AprilMaieOktovar (7:19:23 PM): =(
JavaColin (7:21:38 PM): ::kishhhhhhh::
AprilMaieOktovar (7:21:54 PM): you said good bye =(
JavaColin (7:22:03 PM): you betrayed me =(
AprilMaieOktovar (7:22:23 PM): ::weepp::

Thought of the day: Since human growth hormone is right under the skin, it's only natural people want to be touched. In fact, we should all go and get rubbed and ::rubbbbbed:: and patted 'n petted for a natural high. GO! GO NOW! GET TOUCHED!

hehehe, my grandma is giving encouragement to the monsters in andrew's monster rancher game.

"catch him with your hands!"

Thought of the day: I need to get off my lazy ass and study more.

Thought of the day: I want to watch Hudson Hawk... with cau!

The words the DJ used to describe KUSC's "Heavenly Adagios" collection were erotic, sexy, and who-needs-Viagra? O.o Well, I do wonder about the aphrodisiacal effects of classical music...

Thought of the day: I want to be a KUSC DJ!

Last night I dreamt that Sarah sent me something through the mail for the last time. It was even labeled "the last..." I love how she used to send me stuff through the postal service even though she lived a few houses down.

I regret not doing more for her. Sarah was so genuinely nice... she actually bought me blueberries once! I...yea. Perhaps my thoughts on this will be more coherent later. Or perhaps not.

=)

i just needed a smile.

"What is understanding when it's too late?"

found at The Writer's Almanac courtesy of Sami


Poem: "April Day in November, Edinburgh," by Norman MacCaig, from Collected Poems (Chatto and Windus).

April Day in November, Edinburgh

The sun punches through the cloud gaps
with strong fists and the wind
buffets the buildings
with boisterous good will.

Bad memories are blown away
over the capering sea. Life
pulls up without straining
the jungle tangle between us
and the future.

Easy to forget
the last leaves thicken the ground
and the last roses are dying
in their sad, cramped hospitals.

For gaiety's funfair whirls
in the gray squares. Energy
sends volts from suburb to suburb.

And April, gay trespasser,
dances the dark streets of November,
Pied Piper leading a procession
of the coloured dreams of summer.

from brendan's livejournal

You're Geek Chic. Offbeat and with a thumbful of
calluses, you spend most of your time catching
Simpsons reruns and sucking down raspberry
Jell-O. However, you're still a hipster,
you've still got your own style, and you
probably dig the Velvet Underground's "Who
Loves the Sun?"


What Kind of Hipster Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

subito stupid. that's how i feel.
or at least suddenly reaware of how stupid i am. some comments just rub me the wrong way.

i take myself too seriously

wha..wait....video games affect peoples' social lives? [shocker.]

i think i'd like a break from life. could i die for a few years? does zac have a necromancer i can borrow? please?
ah well. at least there is sleep.

my BROTHER misspelled my last name.

(11:30:36 PM): how do you do badly the second time around?

]yes, how do i? how do i fucking do it? i must be one of the stupidest people alive.[

save the forest! for the monkeys

Kill Bill is beautiful.

my brother is one of the coolest people i know.

Mucho stress. can't wait 'til 2nd batch of tests are over.

angst.

I love Diagnosis Murder.
Dick Van Dyke ROCKS

hahaha
stolen from kenny's profile

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to George Gershwin!

and happy 16th birthday to Hilary Duff.

Wouldn't it be cool if some unknown part of the universe (or out of it) experienced continually decreasing entropy? Then, when trying to contact extraterrestrial life, they'd transmit incredibly disordered "electromagnetic signals that other intelligent life could recognize as too" --disordered-- "to occur except by design."

eh, inside jokes don't work so well when you're the only one "inside".

"we have no choice. we have to use.... the dog whistle."

"is it on? i can't hear it."
"umm, it's too high-pitched, only animals can hear it?"
"oh. i knew that. i was just testing you."

wheee, cowboy bebop

You are ice. You have a cold exterior but a warm
heart.


What element is your soul?
brought to you by Quizilla

Actually, all the options for this "quiz" lead to the same result. I just like the picture.

"even if the days when i smiled a lot
should turn out to be nothing but a lovely dream
that would be alright with me
if it's all it means
my mind's unrest struggling with me..."

-Blue Gender closing song
I wonder where the rest of the english version can be found; it cuts off at the end of the credits.

"see, if i didn't know you personally, i'd think you were a loser."
thaaaaaaanks, i'll miss you too =P

Sami's a toaster
Are you a toaster?
Sami's a toaster
Look at her toast!

Song of the ...four minutes and nine seconds: Beyonce's "Crazy in Love"

E.T.!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Debussy. fantastic.

Watched: Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai . 'twas a bit weird because i've seen 20 minutes or so of the ending before.
Also watched: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy for the first time. good stuff.

Song of the minute: I really like Hilary Duff, mainly because I like her work on Lizzie McGuire, soooooo, the song of the minute is "So Yesterday". 'Tis stuck in my head often.

Sometimes I believe that I'd rather die than live without (my) hands

pssssst, lemme tell you a secret.... ((( that game you're playing? it's not really the final fantasy))).

and the truth is
i find it highly annoying. this rationalizing and re-rationalizing. after a while, the best i can do is give a weak smile, half-covering the "shut the fuck up" running through my head.

oh well. i have neither the will nor the courage to speak it. 'sokay, we can all live in our mutually-sugared realities; it's sweeter that way.

sometimes i'd like to give it all up and start anew.

i don't like you or me.

...this is not person-specific.

bah, what I would give to truly understand the breadth of gender differences...

yay! sami agrees with my hoping no-one would blog about my death. i brought it up because, 'twas weird, a friend of mine, in searching for my blog online, found links to other blogs that informed him of another friend's death (who died in April), which really sucks.

The Rachy's weiiirdddd.

This could've been me


Oh, right. and the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. Very very interesting, especially if you actually read through the site.

Here's a little tip: you can always go lower.

i'm done.

if i were to die, i would hope no-one would blog about it.

random thought.

FINALLY, the four days of driving andrew 30 miles out to his piano competitions are over! It seems like I won't ever have to do that again though, due to some of symf's seemingly illogical judgement calls. Granted, the judgements for andrew's Beethoven competition were right on, but his Chopin and Baroque categories were reaaaalllllly strange. Yech. i don't think andrew wants to go back.

ahhhh well. weirdos.

is Seka crazy? =D

Recent e-mail: "DUDE'S GIRLFRIEND IS NAMED ATROPOS HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA YOU LOVE A ROBOT WHEEEEEEE"

...someone's on crack.

Which Saturnalia Character are you?

wheee, i just started re-reading Saturnalia

A ladybug bit me! =P

"Sometimes you remind me so much of your brother you scare me!" - Robin

Happy birthday, Andrew!

Happy Belated Earth Day, peoples

free lunch and astronomy presentation today! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

My dad just called... my new (apparently long-armed) half-brother has just been born! I'm glad everyone's okay.

Today I realized how lonely I become when no-one's in the same room as me and there aren't any distractions; no TV, no online comics, no games, no people online, no andrew around = one very very lonely april. Silly spring break for me. oh well.

Yayyy, congratulations are in order. Congrats to Steve for getting accepted into Stanford =) We're all proud.

mi hermano: april is the most sane person in this household...
mi boca: isn't that scary?
mi hermano: yea...

Heeyy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Chris L. !!! !!! !!!! !!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!!! !!!!!! whee, exclamation point patterns. fun times right there.

Happy new year, peoples.

I steal children's music books. ::weep bit-ter-ly:: It runs in the family... Andrew's a klepto when it comes to giant Christmas books. ye-s.

Eh, lately i've been hearing things like "everything happens for a reason" and "well, it's fate" from many different sources. I've been hearing comments like those so often that I've started to believe them and, thusly, begin questioning the silly events surrounding my life.

bad april. bad bad bad.

should i believe my friend when he says he's experienced a miracle, listening as he explains how he got the same amount of money in the mail that he needs for a project? or should i believe someone when he says that me not doing well on my calc. final is a working of fate(you know who you are! =P )? no, i shouldn't... If i get a B in calc it's because i'm stupid and/or lazy, not because the force behind physics deemed it so. =/

okay, maybe if someone pulls you out of a burning building or if, in attempting to shoot yourself on a rooftop, you, completely nervous, end up only grazing yourself with the bullet and falling backwards onto the roof (intsead of forward, off the roof), that's fate. Or maybe fate doesn't work for me, being an unspectacular person. I'd think fate only applies to either spectacular people or spectacular circumstances, not something silly like myself. If everything does happen for a reason, perhaps some of those reasons are trivial; not everything is directly/indirectly caused by something as ethereal as fate.

Soooo, perhaps, if my friend is a spectacular person, his money-in-the-mail thing might be a working of fate. buut.... that doesn't apply to me.

hey maybe not everything happens for a reason! wow! could it possibly be that some things are RANDOM? could it be that, at least sometimes, it just isn't fate?

by the way, that failed attempt at suicide happened to beethoven's nephew, if i remember correctly. correct me if i'm wrong.

Wow. I must sound like a spoiled, rich brat whining about how my dad can't afford piano lessons for my brother. i mean, i am, but damn. sorry about that.

a sad day.

My dad told andrew that he had to quit piano... andrew's taking it really hard... and i can feel my dad in pain too, but andrew doesn't seem to be able to feel that... hum.

i'm not sure if my brother knows... how much it aches, physically and emotionally, to be working 2 jobs and still not be able to provide everything that your family wants. andrew doesn't seem to realize it, but he's making my dad feel very very guilty... but, really.... my dad's 64 and he's having a new child; andrew needs to understand that, even amidst all our luxury, we can't afford piano lessons. We're so used to living well that our current situation almost seems like our marginal propensity to consume (we've tried cutting back on some expenses, but to no avail), and my dad, along with everyone else, really doesn't want to give anything up. i understand that andrew's willing to give up nearly everything to continue piano, but i can't say the same for the rest of the family, including my dad. my dad does not want to be eating top ramen when he should be eating more healthily; ironically, andrew's the one that consumes the most. really, though, i don't think neither andrew nor i should ask any more than food and shelter, considering all the sacrifices my dad's already made for us.

my dad's starting to feel old...and inadequate...and....andrew needs to stop making him feel guilty... but... piano is akin to andrew's life... but...

even harder to know that my piano teacher is one of the very few people andrew feels close to and connects with

i had to make the call because andrew couldn't... he just plain could not tell her

money is an ugly, ugly thing.

somewhere, deep down... i know that my dad feels guilty and will probably give andrew the chance not to quit... and i know that my brother will probably take that chance... and that makes me feel very very low. very low.

hum... andrew chooses to argue/discuss the weirdest things with me at the most inconvenient times.... argh... it's very... unsettling... It's like... he thinks he's moving major ground, but I'm not sure that he is, but i almost wish he were... hum.

At any rate, ecology club's attendance at the Earth Resource human broom clean up was very inspiring. =)

"The Toll Roads....What's stopping you?"

Um... the toll? =\

yay, workshop was good. Good seeing Shirley again. =) "why aren't you guys playing for us?" aaaaaaaaaghhhh =P

on a different note, different person.... "the biggest sin we commit, is being born in this world.." hmm.

"Isn't Faulkner such a little shit? He is, he is." - my english teacher on As I Lay Dying

Yaaay, thank yous to everyone who talked to me yesterday; ya'll made me feel spooshal. =) Also, thanks to all my friends who've been really really great and supportive through the other things... it's wonderful to have friends i can count on. I owe.

Two new links on the side... Neil's (Los Al Batmaan) Xanga Blog and Shirley's (yay... thanks for all your help... although our conversations are infrequent and far apart, you're always watching out for me... thanks so much =) Xanga Blog.

Dad: Apriiiil, what would you do if you dad weren't so crazy, hmmmmmm? =P
Me: Maybe I'd be sane...

Wha? There are Kodomo no Omocha, Marmalade Boy, and Love Hina mangas available at my local bookstores? His and Her Circumstances DVDs too? What is the world coming to?!

For all ye Angels fans...

BURY BONDS! (barry bites.)

My social psychology class is trying to see if they can get the slogan "Bury Bonds!" to catch on. My soc. teacher, an avid angels fan, Fun times. Anyway, help us out by carrying along the slogan... please? Barry Bonds is really narcissitic and arrogant; he believes he carries the Giants.

Mitch Miller on George Gershwin's music: "Keep it simple, keep it sexy, keep it sad."
-- heard on KUSC, 91.5

Yay, a little story. My grandma has a male cat back home in the Philippines. Yes. Wooow. Anyway, one day, the cat came home with a little kitty, the runt of its litter, in its mouth, stolen from who knows where... my grandma and her help thought that her cat would eat the little kitty, so they let him carry the tiny babe to the corner of their back yard and do whatever it was he intended to do. It turns out that my grandma's cat started caring for the newborn (whose eyes were still wet, by the way), keeping it warm, protecting it, even letting it ....um.... there's no way i can put this delicately, so... suck on his nipple. Currently, both kitties are living happily, if not strangely, keeping each other company.

Sorry, I'm a horrible story teller.

I hate when I hear music in my head right before I fall asleep and i have neither the talent nor drive to write it down. ( Sami, that was dun =P Something else was dun too... eh, oh well, i don't remember what it is. )

"why did you paint every fingernail a different color?" "because i'm still a child"

I just realized something really saddening... now that i've quit piano, i can't play a piece solely for someone else... no more performances, formal or informal. Not that it's any great loss... i'm nearly 18 and i'm still playing intermediate pieces. ah well. on to other things for now, i'll come back to this later? hopefully.

it's amazing how much i've deteriorated in such a short time... playing duets with my brother is now harder than it used to be.

Oh, right, maybe it's a good thing i may not be around for most of my step-sibling's life... i'm such a crappy sister... =P No, really... I do such mean things to andrew... i dunno how he puts up with me... I antagonize him for my own amusement (and he thinks i'm serious), I'm especially sarcastic towards him because he hates it, i interrupt him (because it particularly annoys him), i yell for no reason (just to piss him off), i can create hysteria while he's working (i did that once when his contact became stuck in his eye.... now he won't wear contacts... i don't know whether those two facts are correlated, but i'm blaming myself anyway), i insult him when i'm angry (someone remind me to tell him that i'm not serious when i say things; he oftentimes takes me seriously when i'm not, and blows me off when i'm being serious), i'm messy, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I'm sure the list of grievances against myself against my brother goes on and on, but thinking about it makes me want to smack myself in the head harder than i just have. Whoooooops, i forgot why i was up... test today. >.<, ha.

Yay, my uncle came and visited today =) He's having problems at home and is going to be coming here 'bout every week or so. With my grandma home, my step-mom around, seka's continuous calls, sean's random calls, the continual mention of my aunts', and my uncle's frequent visits, I'm getting a stronger sense of family...it's great! =D
I'm so lucky...

Hum... I was listening to my dad and my uncle talk things over and i, again, came to the conclusion that HUMANS ARE CRUEL. And i wonder if this works... i am cruel, therefore, i'm human? nah, that doesn't work. does it?

On a different note (yea?), I think the reason the new-child thing is so shocking to me is because my dad was continually insulting her and talking about sending my step-mom back to the Philippines. Of course, that's out of the question now. =)

today i found out that my step-mom will be two months pregnant on September 30th.

wow. hummm.... i'm all mixed-feeling-ed.... having a new little brother/sister when i'm already 18... strange. I'd like the situation much better if my brother and I weren't possibly leaving in a couple years; I don't like the idea of being the big sister younger sibling never sees, hardly knows, and never is around. How can I be supportive if I'm not living in the same house (supportive in my idea of immediate family)? Although I doubt that I will be as close to my step-sibling as my brother (practically every day is a day of bonding), I'd like to be around for his/her childhood.

Sigh, blah, perhaps I'm being selfish. I want to be a part of too many peoples' lives. I don't know if I even have the capability to care for so many people; I wonder if there is a limit to the amount (quantity and intensity) of love a person can give. With myself, i wouldn't be surprised. With some others, i would be shocked. Hum. I suppose time would be one of the greater restrictions... there seems to be a limited amount of time I want to donate to people before wanting to be by myself.

I don't know. Maybe I'm jealous that my brother and i won't be my dad's little ones any more. Maybe I'm pre-assuming too much responsibility. If I worry over her/him as much as i worry over andrew, i'm going to worry myself to death, considering andrew doesn't do much to worry anyone and I'm still worry wart-ing. Andrew obviously takes better care of himself than i do of myself, but still... i can't help it...

I wonder how this child is going to grow up, virtually an only child (i mean, no peer consistantly around to relate to) and father already 54. I want to stay and help my parents out for the next 17 years, but, simultaneously, I'd love to be away. Crazy.